Because, for many of us, we don't have a single calling-- but many. Self-care sometimes looks like honoring the fact that there is only so much you can accomplish in a single day. Our bodies need rest, need time to decompress & leisure in solitude. And depending on which season of life you are in, that means having the ability to take stock at all the things you are attempting to accomplish in a day; and then honoring the importance of narrowing your scope.
How this looks for me: stepping away from offering sessions at this time. It is work that I have cherished. The stories that have been entrusted to me will live in my heart forever. I wasn't channeling or offering tarot/oracle work. I am (was?) a facilitator of a conversation someone is having with themselves. I believe that all answers lie within us and within our relationship with God. I guided people on that journey and was extremely careful to make sure those who worked with me knew this, that I was merely a guide and that after a couple sessions, they had the tools to do this work on their own. I didn't make much money from the work, as most of my clients participated in an exchange of goods (I have received a lot of beautiful art, chart readings, herbal medicine and even an amazing bread recipe). I want to be clear that I'm not stepping away from this work because I found it draining or anything of the like. It was sacred work that I am truly honored to have been entrusted with. I just also only have so much energy I can hold in a day and mine has started to really take up a lot of space.
I have the mind of a maker, the heart of a writer and the soul of a seeker. Life is this big beautiful puzzle and I want to capture it, understand it and embrace it. It makes for a head full of colors, questions, stories and sentences. As a mother of four, who under the current climate is now also homeschooling, I could feel my brain and body overloading without enough time for true release.
What good is a container that's full to the brim?
And that would be me if I attempted to continue to hold sessions. My mind wouldn't be sharp enough to facilitate, to intuit which questions to ask, to hold any space really. I would never want to walk into a session with a preoccupied mind or a drained energy field, and if I weren't to step away, I believe that is what would have happened.
Writing has always been a big part of who I am. My writing has suffered immensely in the last 3-4 years. I read some of my older work, and I would dare to say that I have lost something that I used to have: a style, or even a certain quality to the work seems to have left me. I truly do feel that my writing is not as good as it once was or could be now. I also know that writing is instrumental in my life's purpose and that I'm being called to pour what little "me" time I have down that avenue. I am already seeing unfinished pieces reach their end so I can *actually* edit them. My dear friend, Katie and I, have been discussing this joint manuscript for like, a year or something, that I'd like to dive head first into and see where it goes because I have a really good feeling about it. I wrote a chapbook length bible study in December 2015 that I feel called to expand into a full-length book and I'm hoping to comprise most of my poetry into one self-published collection (and be done with poetry forever). Also, I know there's a novel in me somewhere, I have the hard-drive full of partially finished stories to prove it. I also think there is going to be a book that emerges from me in my 40's that may help people move through boundaries, trauma-work, root-work and healing.
If I don't allow the space for this now, I truly believe I will not be following God's path for me, to serve the way He has created me to serve. I do plan to still hold workshops and other events once we are allowed to again be within 6 feet of each other, but this work is mostly done in person and sporadically.
I appreciate everyone for sticking by me as I move onto the next part of my journey. Thank you for seeing me through my constant shifting.
Do you feel the call to narrow your scope? Here are a few journal prompts to dive into self-discovery:
1. List the activities you do daily. (i.e. spiritually, physically, academically, out of necessity. Those things you daily do for yourself and others.)
2. What on the list cannot be skipped? Why?
3. What on the list brings you the most peace?
4. What on the list creates feelings of anxiety?
5. Is there anything that your wish was on the list but is not?
6. What item(s) can you remove to make room for what you answered in question 5?
7. When you get quiet and visualize your ideal day, what does it look like?
8. Is your answer from question 7 strikingly different from the list you created in question 1? Why? or Why not?
9. What are the first 5 things you do when you wake up in the morning?
10. Are you allowing margin to commune with Spirit? Are you giving yourself time daily for solitude? Even just 5 minutes?