"I'm Clean, I'm Clean"-- Musings on Love

I've had this song stuck in my head for a little over a week now. The emotional truths, heaviness that sometimes accompanies the pain of romantic Love: the depths we can truly love another being "outside" of ourselves-, it's infinite and messy and complicated and beautiful and quite possibly the point of EVERYTHING, as I am beginning to understand--this love truly being the thing that is at the center of it all.

I am becoming increasingly convinced that this is what motivates us, regardless if we are moving in fear or in Love: what we are constantly searching for is TRUE CONNECTION: to feel as if the person standing before us can clearly see us, feel us-- you fall in love (you become love sounds better than falling... I am torn on this terminology) and see that tiny silver strand that connects your heart to their's and you want to swim in that Love forever.

These lines from the song above have been echoing in my mind, like a chant:

Lead me to the truth and I will follow you with my whole life

What the lyrics are essentially saying is: to the person that opens me up to everything I am, all my potential, all my love, all my authentic realness: to them, I will be devoted. I will give it all to them. Everything. Forever. The WHOLE of this existence, all of you. Isn't that just THE POINT? Ya know what I mean? We are searching for this unrelenting understanding and release, the comfort of home, the remembrance of who we are in a society so hell-bent on keeping us distracted!

Living this sentiment becomes difficult though, once the reality of this realm creeps into our hearts. There are serious obligations, worries, doubts, fears, responsibilities, dense energies that drain us and keep us from living life as our best selves, from finding that Truth with another. And when it gets hard, we run.

And when you run, one or both of you get hurt. The anger that the song portrays,

A white blank page and a swelling rage, rage You did not think when you sent me to the brink, to the brink You desired my attention but denied my affections, my affections

Yikes. Someone always feels like they gave more, did more, Loved more. If you are feeling that way, you aren't in a healthy dynamic for you to grow anyway. Maybe splitting up was the best thing for you. But, it's those couples that get to this point, and then move through it unified that inspire me.

If you want the Truth, to co-create with someone for your WHOLE LIFE: you can't run away the second that they show their humanness, or it gets hard, or they disappoint you-- the list goes on on and on. (Please do not confuse this sentiment with abuse-- if someone is abusing you, do not stay with them. I feel this shouldn't need to be said, but for clarification purposes, I feel I should say this before someone takes my words out of context.) It's not always going to be easy. We all come to the table with our own set of issues: your partner should help you grow and transcend them, not dwell and swim in them.

Yes, it is true: entering into a relationship before you have a solid foundation of Love rooted within you *for* you is dangerous, as your inner relationships often reflect your outer co-creative ones, but when you meet that partner who not only loves themselves, but also loves you, a passion for life, transcendence, growth and expansion is inevitable. You will never be perfect and neither will your partner, but you can come together into perfect harmony: This is Sacred Relationship and this merging is sacred alchemy. It is a continued re-birthing, becoming a couple who is wholly independent, yet fiercely united as they drop into their hearts and embody Oneness.

There is a peace here that is not easily mouthed. It is a deeply integrated feeling of unity as you drop into the heart space and surrender to the embodiment of Two as One. There is no room for co-dependency here, as Sacred Space is given freely as much as it is shared, but embodiment of this union becomes a lighthouse, shining brightly at the center of it all, awakening you to a new wholeness, a second creation: that of the unity of you and your partner. It is open, honest, transparency: there is not a feeling that goes without sharing because there is an unbreakable bond birthed from passion, respect and Love that is infinitely full and strong: there is nothing that cannot be faced, healed, transcended. You weave into one another: in feeling, action, thought. You become tender warriors and passionate lovers: the frequency of Union.

It is here that you look at your Lover, and you see both of you in perfect wholeness: recognizing that you are imperfectly made to perfectly fit the other. They lead you to the truth. Through the void. And you made it.


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